Plano Divorce Lawyers Blog

What's New in Grey Divorces?
Research now shows that one in four people getting divorced is over age 50, up from one in ten in 1990. Why the shift in older couples opting for divorce? Some researchers believe that the changes that occur with the shifting into a new lifestyle for retirement may cause the increased numners. As more and more baby boomers are retiring, they are also divorcing due to new problems that arise in redifining themselves outside of their careers. This appears to be especially difficult on spouses who stayed home during the day while the other spouse worked, as now both parties have someone else disrupting their routine.

Another likely cause in the increase of divorce of this population is the increase in overall divorces in the general population. With a higher rate of overall divorces, the over 50 group now sees that divorce is not quite the "social disgrace" that it was considered when they first married. Other research shows that the old adage of men leaving for younger women is not the major cause of the increased divorce rate. Rather, women, who are more empowered and financially independent than ever, are now able to walk away from their spouses for any number of reasons. This is something they would not have done in the past due to the high personal and financial costs.

Furthermore, the chances for divorce in this age group increase, as with the general population, if one or both spouses have previously been divorced. Those who have been divorced in the past know they will be able to survive a divorce since they have done it before.

So, What's the Difference?
1. Finding a New Mate
SInce the ratio of women to men increases with age, men have an easier time finding single women to remarry, while women, conversely, have a more difficult time finding a potential mate at an advanced age.

2. Money Matters
Divorce can devastate both parties' savings and retirement accounts. This is especially important for the over 50 crowd, who have likely accumulated more in those accounts. Divorce over 50 may change retirement plans and options for both spouses, while they are entering a more expensive time in their lives. However, those in their 50s (and older) can look forward to better health through an older age than those just a decade before them; so, many are willing and able to remain in the working world and live emotionally and finacially stable lives after the major changes that come with divorce.

Another financial issue to consider when ending a lengthy marriage is contractual alimony. The spousal maintenance laws in Texas have changed, so talk to an experienced and knowledgeable family law attorney about the possibilities and likelihood of paying or receiving spousal maintenance and alimony in your situation.

3. Children are Still a Consideration
Parents who divorce later in life may believe their adult children will not be affected by the changes. However, divorce and remarriage cause many different concerns for children of all ages. Be prepared to discuss openly how a divorce will affect inheritances. Also, adult children may fear that their own marriage may not survive or that their whole life is built on a sham. These are issues that require quite a different approach and process than divorces that involve younger children. Regardless of the age of children whose parents are divorcing, the divorce will have an impact on them.

4. Caretakers
Older people also need to think about who will take care of them or help them as they continue to age, particularly if their health declines. Are there financial means to pay others to assist children with this burden? Are there children willing and able to help? These are questions that a person contemplating divorce at a later stage of life need to consider carefully.

5. Emotional Well-Being
Divorcing later in life, especially after a long marriage, can be much more difficult than earlier divorces. Counseling is recommended. There are also many websites devoted to helping those going through a "grey" divorce. Whether the problems are adult children, financial issues, loneliness, finding yourself, or almost anything else, there is a good chance that a support group exists or will soon be emerging to help the growing number of newly single people over the age of 50.

Are you one of the growing population of Collin County residents over 50 and contemplating divorce? Keep these few things in mind:

a. Gather your financial records and visit with a financial planner or advisor. Make sure you know how about your joint and separate assets and liabilities, so you can make fully informed decisions.

b. Meet with experienced family law attorneys who understand the difficulties that arise with years of compiled emotions, property, etc. These attorneys will better help you decide what type of divorce fits your needs best: collaborative, contested, or uncontested divorce.

c. Have a support network ready to help you through this, whether it is a formal support group, friends and family, or both.

Remember, ending any marriage, especially a long marriage, is something you should not do lightly. Think over this decision and the affects it may have on your emotional and financial well being and that of your family; consult professional counselors, advisors, and attorneys; and take some solace in knowing that you are not the first in this age group to endure these hardships.

Because of the increase in high conflict divorce, many family law courts in Texas, and particularly in Collin County, are appointing parenting coordinators or parenting facilitators to work with the parents in developing and maintaining a parenting plan. Generally, the judge will ask the divorce attorneys to agree to the person who will serve as the parent coordinator or parent facilitator. If the attorneys are unable to agree, the judge appoints that person. Parents and family law attorneys, in determining who to ask the judge to appoint, should be very careful to make sure that the person appointed in their case is qualified to serve in that capacity. While the qualifications for a parent coordinator are fairly easy to meet, those for a parent facilitator are much more stringent. Parent facilitators are required to have much more training than a parent coordinator is required to have.

The laws governing parenting plans, parenting coordinators and parenting facilitators can be found in the Texas Family Code, chapter 153, subchapter K. The qualifications of a Parenting Coordinator can be found at Tex. Fam. Code sec. 153.610 and the qualifications of a Parenting Facilitator can be found at Tex. Fam. Code sec. 153.6101. Any person who has at least a bachelor's degree in counseling, education, family studies, psychology or social work or who is an attorney can be a parent coordinator so long as that person gets some additional training in the areas of family violence dynamics, dispute resolution techniques such as mediation, and family dynamics, child development and the laws governing family law matters. In contrast, a parent facilitator must be a licensed social worker, licensed professional counselor, licensed marriage and family counselor, psychologist or an attorney. Being licensed is the important difference in the qualifications of a parent facilitator as compared to a parent coordinator. Additionally, a parent facilitator must receive training, not required of a parent coordinator, in the laws that govern parenting coordination and parenting facilitation and in the different models of procedures. Thus, if the judge determines that the parties should go to parenting facilitation, the parents and their attorney need to make sure the person appointed is licensed as required by the statute and has obtained the additional training.

Sharon Easley, as one of the only family law attorneys in Collin County who is also qualified to be appointed by a court as a parent coordinator or a parent facilitator, cautions other family law attorneys and their clients to make sure the person they choose has experience in handling high conflict custody cases, because most situations where a parent coordinator or a parent facilitator is needed fall into that category of family law matters. Additionally, parenting coordination and parenting facilitation are particularly necessary when a parent seeks to modify a custody order or modify an order for possession and access contained in the final divorce decree. High conflict custody cases are the ones that require the most time in a family courts. For that reason, the parents in such cases benefit most by in parenting coordination or facilitation because conflicts are often resolved without the need for court intervention.

The differences in the duties of a parent coordinator and those of a parent facilitator will be discussed in future articles.

From the beginning of their family law practice, the lawyers of Easley & Marquis have made the best interest of children a top priority. They have done this for good reason.

Children are the unintended victims of divorce. They do not ask for the divorce. They often feel pulled to take sides. Even though they love both parents, they generally do not want to choose one parent over the other. If asked, most children will tell you that they wish their parents would get back together.

Even adults, whose parents were divorced during their childhood, will tell you that they wish their parents had been able to get along and stay married. The desire of children for their parents to get along and stay together is true for the many families we represent, whether it's in one of the Collin County towns, such as Plano, Frisco, Allen, McKinney or Wylie, or in Dallas or Denton Counties. We feel confident the same is true for children of divorce everywhere in the country.

The negative impact of divorce on children does not always show up during the divorce. They may continue to perform well in school while the divorce is ongoing and, later, show the signs of stress and anxiety they have felt while the divorce was pending. In fact, studies have shown that the impact of divorce frequently does not show up until much later in the lives of these children. For example, children of divorce receive far less help paying for college expenses than children whose parents are not divorce, which can impact their ability to be self-sufficient adults. Other studies have shown that children of divorce do not perform as well in school,particularly in the area of mathmetics, and do not have as developed interpersonal skills as those whose parents have not been divorced

At Easley & Marquis, we encourage parents we represent, particularly those who are involved in a high conflict cutody dispute, to stay focused on the best interest of the children at all times. We show them examples of how a parent, unintentionally, can say things to a child or in the presence of a child that could be considered parental alienation.

Children love the attention of their parents and they learn quickly how to manipulate a parent with that parent's need to one-up the other parent in a custody dispute. The result often will be that the litigation becomes even more expensive and emotionally charged because now the parents are accusing each other of parental alienation. Social studies will be ordered. Everyone will be sent to counseling. The divorce process will take longer and be more expensive. No one "wins" in those situations.

Parents will continue to get divorced. Children will continue to be negatively impacted. That is not going to change. However, parents can choose to take a path, whether it be through collaborative law or just using good judgment and good behavior during the divorce, to focus honestly on what the children need rather than what serves their own purposes.

Just as families are typically more satisfied with a custom-built home as opposed to a cookie-cutter model, the collaborative divorce process allows divorcing couples to create a custom-made solution for their family. Divorce is never easy, particularly when children are involved. However, if the parties going through a divorce can take a step back and approach the transition of their family with courtesy and respect, the children, and the family, will be much better off.

Enter the collaborative divorce process. Lisa Marquis of Easley & Marquis, PLLC, has been handling Collin County collaborative divorces for almost ten years. While the process took a while to gain popularity in Plano and surrounding communities, it has picked up momentum in the last few years. Most collaborative attorneys in Collin County prefer to use the team approach whereby the parties and their respective attorneys use the specialized assistance of financial and mental health professionals to create their custom-made parenting plan and property settlement.

A collaborative divorce that Lisa recently handled involved a child who was battling cancer. The parents were able to create a custom-made parenting plan that took into consideration the ages of their children, their respective job obligations, as well as the special medical needs of one of the children. Having a sick child can bring stress and strain to an otherwise healthy marriage. Imagine the stress that it can bring to an already strained relationship. While the collaborative divorce process cannot remove all of the pain of a divorce, it can provide the divorce couple with tools for having an effective, healthy co-parenting relationship after a divorce.

Couples who are considering divorce who want to maintain their privacy and want a creative, custom-made solution for their family after divorce should consult with a collaborative divorce attorney, such as Lisa Marquis with Easley & Marquis, PLLC to find out all of their options and whether the collaborative process is the best solution for their family.